Lithuanian: stovi, kaip mietą prarijęs
English: you stand like you swallowed a stake
collected: Kaunas, Lithuania (01-10-2016)
origin: old Lithuanian saying. “mietas” is an old word meaning a stake used for hammering animals chain to a ground, when you change their place in a field to get fresh grass.
Category Archives: Kaunas Janks
011016022
Lithuanian: tavęs klausytis, skausmingiau negu iššikti metrą spygliuotos vielos
English: Listening to you is more painful than shitting out a meter of barbed wire
collected: Kaunas, Lithuania (01-10-2016)
origin: he made it up on the spot, though could be traditional if you would just say : shit a meter of barbed wire
011016021
Lithuanian: malasi kaip šūdas eketėj
English: you are swirling around like shit in a hole in the ice
collected: Kaunas, Lithuania (01-10-2016)
origin: heard it from a colleague at work. Old Lithuanian countryside joke from Samogitia region. Used when someone is being indecisive.
011016020
Lithuanian: atsigauk nuo pigių narkotikų
English: recover from cheap drugs
collected: Kaunas, Lithuania (01-10-2016)
origin: common Lithuanian saying, a way to call someone stupid
011016019
Lithuanian: Tu esi durnas, kaip bato aulas
English: you are as dumb as a boot leg (shaft)
collected: Kaunas, Lithuania (01-10-2016)
origin: traditional Lithuanian joke. old word for the upper part of the boot.
(it’s not a shaft, it’s top of the boot, which we tried to find out so hard)
011016018
Lithuanian: ginčytis su tavim, kaip su pliku pešiotis
English: arguing with you is like plucking with a bald-headed (hair is not mentioned, there’s the point)
collected: Kaunas, Lithuania (01-10-2016)
origin: traditional Lithuanian joke. Heard originally from her mother
011016017
Lithuanian: Tavo smegenys – tokio dydžio, kad jeigu įdėtume jas į graikišką riešutą, mes girdėtume nieko
English: your brain is so small that if we put it in a walnut and shake it, we hear nothing
collected: Kaunas, Lithuania (01-10-2016)
origin: common Lithuanian-style joke
011016016
Portuguese:
English: When you were born you probably hit the floor really hard because your face is totally messed up.
collected: Kaunas, Lithuania (01-10-2016)
origin: Very common type of joke in Portugal – a way of telling someone they are ugly.
011016015
Portuguese:
English: Your mother is so fat, when you have to drive around her in the car, you run out of gas
collected: Kaunas, Lithuania (01-10-2016)
origin: more recent yo-mama joke from Portugal. Very common in Portugal to insult each other’s mothers
011016014
Portuguese:
English: Arguing with your wife is like reading the Terms and Conditions of software. You just scroll down and accept it.
collected: Kaunas, Lithuania (01-10-2016)
origin: heard it while drinking with some old guys in his hometown of Ourique, Portugal